FaLl

rocks so sharp

drop so steep

the water below so dark

the ocean so deep

to fall is to skydive

touching the clouds

knowing she's alive

separate from the crowd

arms spread like wings

leaning in to kiss the air

mind flashing back through everything

the wind pushing her hair

hitting the water, like concrete

but sinking to the ocean floor

now her life is complete

she waits, now, for the water to push her to shore

rAiN

i'm walking all alone

i love it how i'm sighing

as the rain falls on my face

so no one knows i'm crying

slowly i move on

overwriting what it know

my past life...

life as i know it should show

i see the end of the rainy path

sun is up ahead

i'll leave the rest of these thoughts behind me

until it rains again

StReSs

everything in life piles up on you. it happens to everyone. i had a major break down the other night. i was home (living with a friend) with me boyfriend and my friend's dad. for the past few weeks my stress had been piling up. my ex had been drunk texting and calling me. i was upset that my adoptive dad doesn't want to see me anymore. i'm worried about both of my adoptive parents because they seem to look unhealthy and i fear they wont be around much longer. and yet i still care, even though they think i dont. i was finally taking steps to finding my biological family. and a day after talking to my sister she found our uncle's grave and where our great grandmother is. only a day after discussing what we were going to do. thing just suddenly seemed to be moving so fast. plus the thought that i wasn't going to be good enough for my biological family. that i would be a disappointment. i was stressed and paranoid. then i got a letter from the college i had gone to for the past two semesters telling me that i owe them $2500. i don't have that kind of money. and social services told me that i had nothing to worry about financially, that they had it taken care of. of course recently they dropped my case, blaming me even though i hadn't heard from my social worker in over two months before they dropped me. so now i also have no health insurance. and im in the process of getting a car so that i can get a job. when i get a job then i can get health insurance (or so i hope, otherwise i dont know what the hell im going to do). basically everything seemed to pile up at once. after receiving the letter from the college i had the urge to have a cigarette and then a strong drink. i had a drink that caused me to be drunk within ten minutes. i don't remember what happened after the drink. however, my boyfriend told me he came in the room and my stomach was covered in blood. i had put a gash in my side. him and my friend's dad were debating calling 9-1-1, but decided against it because (1) i don't have health insurance and (2) they would have kept me there if they found out it was self inflicted. so they fixed me up. i sobered up and started to regret. and suddenly i was hating myself again... i fucking hate stress. there is way too much of it. sure, someone somewhere has it worse off than me (believe me, i know people who do) but this is bad enough for me. and i can hardly take it...