Oh MoThEr

mother, oh mother, how you have hurt me. do you understand the pain which you have caused? all i ever wanted was for you to be there for me. to love me and care about me like all mothers should. all you ever did was bring me down, or shoot me down when i was up. i have been told by many that i am a bright young girl who is very insightful because of all the crap she has been through. but why can't you see that? why can't you see that i am somebody? i can make a difference. I can do what i dream of doing if i put my mind to it. but no, it's like you don't want to see me in that kind of light. all i have ever tried to do in my life this far, is impress you. i've tried to meet up to your expectations, but was never able to succeed. because of you, i am no longer home. i am homeless. sure, i'm staying with a friend, but that doesn't matter. its not a home. its not the same as having my family surrounding me in my home. you will only ever have two homes. there is the one you grew up in and the one that you create with someone you love, when the time is right. you have destroyed my will to make my own famliy, my own home. i hope you are happy with yourself. i hope you live a long life to live with the guilt of all the harassment and abuse you put me through. i do love you, mother. but i can not show it to you, for you may destroy that as well.

DiD yOu KnOw?

did you know that when you abuse your friend, they get hurt? or anyone for that matter. if you were not aware of this then you have just learned something new. physical abuse is horrible. absolutely no excuse for it. nothing. there isn't even an excuse for you. it is not right and should not be done, end of story. lucky ones are just abused through words. or are they lucky? they are constantly being put down by simple words that put in any other order won't mean anything. Guilt trips fall under this category. they cause the victim to have nothing to do but sit and ponder everything that was said. it eats at them until they have no way to let it out. its at this point when death seems to be the only option. everyone else knows that it is not. they ask why anyone would think of doing something like that and all the victim has to say is that it's eating at her. it eats at her soul until she has no will to live. the victim will say that she tried to apologize but he just wouldn't accept it. he just kept putting her down. with every apology she felt weaker and weaker. soon she just lost it and he took the final blow that made her break down in front of him. this satisfied him and caused him to keep going. she is now with now will with no hope. she is done.

I'm SoRrY...

i have betrayed you. i will not make up excuses. i committed a sin and now shall deal with the consequences. you hate me now, and i understand how. he took control of my body and mind. i had no chance of getting away. i told him no. i told him to stop. i even told him that you would not be happy with me. this seemed to make him laugh. he tore at my clothes and gripped anywhere there was skin visible. he pulled at my shirt until it ripped in half. he cupped my breasts in his over-powering hands. he threw me against the table that was in the kitchen. i screamed in agony as the table got pushed back by my weight and hit the wall. i cried and screamed hoping that he would leave. hoping that someone cared enough to help me. he tore off his shirt then he grabbed my waist and pulled me close to his bare chest. he was warm and sweating. his hands moved eagerly down my back and started pulling at my paint-stained jeans. with little trouble he pulled them down to reveal my panties. he swung me around and slammed me against the wall. he pulled down his own pants and boxers as well. he pushed up against me. i could feel his pulsating cock on my thigh. he grabbed my wrists and held me tight against the wall. i struggled, trying to get out of his grip. i had no such luck. i squirmed and yelled but could not get his grip to loosen. he began kissing and biting at my neck and shoulders. unwillingly i let out a moan. i suddenly got wide eyed and realized i was enjoying this. how is this possible, i thought. i can't like this. i dont want this. he spun me around so i was flat against the wall. he pulled at my panties so they ripped and fell to the floor then pulled eagerly at my hips causing me to bend over. i moaned as he stuck his cock inside me. he laughs at my change in mood. i begin to scream again, which causes him to move faster and with more force. i begin screaming in both pleasure and fear. still no one hears me. no one helps. he pulls out and throws me to the floor. i look up in time to see him ejaculate all over me as i lie exhausted and helpless on the floor. he pulls up his pants and grabs his shirt off the floor and walks out the door. i lay on the floor for a while trying to catch my breath between sobs. i'm sorry i did this to our relationship. i wish he had been you. i'm sorry...

TeAcHeR aCcUsEd Of GiViNg StUdEnT wAyS tO cUt EfFeCtIvElY

"A teacher at Northwood High School is being accused of showing a student the most effective way to slit her wrist. The alleged demonstration occurred Thursday, not even two weeks after another student committed suicide. Tina Watson, the girl’s mother, says the teacher asked her 14-year old daughter if she was cutting herself, because she arrived to class wearing a bandage. She then allegedly traced lines on the girl’s arm, telling her which direction caused the most harm when cutting. School board officials are investigating the accusation and say the well-being of the student is their top priority. The girl’s mother met with school and district officials this afternoon. According to Watson, the teacher is still teaching during the investigation. She says her daughter was in her class this afternoon."

does this make sense to anyone? does this make sense at all? what is wrong with this woman?! she better be found guilty and arrested for assisted suicide and hate crime. in order for anyone to tell a depressed person how to be most effective while self-harming, there has to be some form of hate there. and if not that, then she better go into a metal hospital because that act is more messed up than actually doing the act. i hope she does not get off free for this.

ThIs CoUlD bE tRuE...

see this girl? see her precious features filled with sorrow? this girl has seen many things. many things that a five year old girl should never have to witness. she was found in a closet in her parents' bedroom, face soaked with tears. Her parents were found side by side on the bed. they had been tied down and beaten to death. the mother was pregnant and the father was castrated. looking into the homicide, investigators discovered that this young girl had been a victim of rape by her own father. no clues yet as to why the mother is also a victim, but investigators are looking into it.

for all those interested, this little girl, annie, is looking for a home and a family that will love her and take care of her and protect her. she is a very sweet and funny girl who deserves a lot.

ThE wAtChFuL eYeS

its always hard to live when there are constantly sad eyes watching you as you pass a mirror or a clean sheet of glass. you are constantly being watched by these sad eyes. the linger in every footstep. where else can she go to escape and be free. maybe by watching you enjoy yourself she will feel better, but she ends up rubbing off on you and you soon go down too. she means no harm, she just wants to be happy as anyone would. she lived a miserable life and her body was put to rest peacefully. her eyes however are still trying to find true happiness. she has been around for hundreds of years, and still has had no luck finding such happiness. does it even exist? it's hard to tell with all the fighting. she misses her loved ones. yes, she was love once, by her close friends and her older sister. however, no one else in her life so much as spared a breath to acknowlege her. She is glad to be sad, but here are some bad things about it. she is glad because if she were never sad then she would not have the slightest idea what happiness was. thus never being able to find it. it's true that she has not found happiness yet, but she has seen little rays of hope where some happiness had once been. she just awaits the day that happiness is what causes peace in this dreadful world of nothingness. so when you are feeling down, remember it is because of her sad eyes who are watching you. she has seen many things, many horrible things. when she watches you it is to let you know of all the horrible things in the world. and she hopes to remind you that there can be good times. yes, there are a lot of bad times, but be sure to cherish the good.

ChOiCeS

i had been watching her suffer. i have been watching her slowly deteriorate in front of my eyes. i wanted to help. i wanted her to be happy for once. i talked to her. i sang to her. i laughed with her. i cried with her. i tutored her. i hugged her. i listened to her. i did everything i could possibly do to help her live her life.

i sit here now, on the ledge of a cliff overseeing the ocean. i brought the knife my mom kept hidden from my dad. i wanted to help her. but now she is gone. she took her life. she took her life because no one could help her. ever since he death, five years ago, i have been empty. i have been broken and shattered. i barely made it this far. i have been hospitalized about a dozen times since she left. my arms and neck are covered in scars. so i sit, contemplating whether or not to end my own life...

SuRpRiSe ViSiToR

it had been a long day. i got home and got some lettuce and fruit and veggies out of the fridge. i was getting ready to make a salad when i heard someone at the door. i put everything down on the counter and went to answer the door.

"who is it?" i yell through my front door, but there is no answer. keeping the chain lock latched at the top of my door i open the door as far as it will go, which is enough for me to see outside the door.

whoever it was out there, they kicked to door all the way open, breaking the chain lock and hitting me in the center of the face with the door. i fall back and scramble to get back on my feet. i knew they were directly behind me so i turned to punch them with all the force i had, but they caught me by the wrist. i stood still for a moment trying to let everything come into focus. i looked up into the eyes of my dad. i wanted to yell and scream but i could not find my voice; i froze. i was in such shock that i fainted. when i awoke i was tied to the bed. only i was not on the bed. i was on the floor and my arms are each tied to one of the two legs at the foot of my bed. i try moving but can't. i look around, panic taking over. i hear footsteps coming from down the hall so i close my eyes and pretend that i was still passed out. slowly he came to my side and started untying my wrists but kept hold of them obviously thinking i was going to put up a struggle. i feel him lift me up over his shoulder. i jumped a little when he touched me. his hands were very cold on my bare skin. he put me on to the bed and put a shirt and a pair of pants on. i tried to ignore his hands lingering on my lower stomach. when he was finished he lifted me up over his shoulder and carried me out to the hallway. i opened my eyes to try to figure out where we were going, but i didn't want to move too much and let him know that i'm conscious. a minute later he puts me sitting in a chair.

"hey, wake up honey," he said in a sweet voice. i didn't move or open my eyes. "Everything is going to be ok now." i felt him kiss me on the cheek. then he stood up and stood me up. he climbed up on the chair and pulled me up to stand beside him. i am now awake and scared and very confused. "close your eyes honey," he told me. i obeyed not wanting to anger him. "i got a necklace for you." i feel him slip something rough around my neck. it felt like a choker necklace. when i felt him get down off the chair i opened my eyes and looked down at him. he had tears in his eyes and grabbed both of my hands. "i love you," he said. then he pulled me hard enough to leave me hanging from the rope...