wHo I aM

if i live to be a hundred

and never see true happiness

that'll be alright

if i don't make to age twenty

if i never have a family

i'm gonna be just fine

'cause i know exactly who i am

i am a really fucked up person

the mistake and failure to my mother

and when the day is done

i am still my biggest fan

sometimes i'm bitchy and i'm hopeless

but i've got me who hates me

and i dont know just where i stand

its all a part of me

and thats who i am

so when i make a big mistake

when i'm fucked over for things i never did

i know i'll be alright

should my arm and leg be broken

i will cry those teardrops knowin'

i am just a failure

'cause nothin' changes who i am

i am a really fucked up person

the mistake and failure to my mother

and when the day is done

i am still my biggest fan

sometimes i'm bitchy and i'm hopeless

but i've got me who hates me

and i dont know just where i stand

its all a part of me

and thats who i am

i'm a bitch and i'm an asshole

i'm a loser, i'm a failure

i am doubtful and unstable

i am dumb and i will screw up

i am a really fucked up person

the mistake and failure to my mother

and when the day is done

i am still my biggest fan

sometimes i'm bitchy and i'm hopeless

but i've got me who hates me

and i dont know just where i stand

its all a part of me

and thats who i am

i am a really fucked up person

the mistake and failure to my mother

and when the day is done

i am still my biggest fan

sometimes i'm bitchy and i'm hopeless

but i've got me who hates me

and i dont know just where i stand

its all a part of me

and thats who i am

oRgAsMiC

thrusting. moaning. that feeling in your gut that something amazing is about to happen. so intense the feeling spreads through the body. squirming. panting. still the motions continue. you feel it there. just out of reach. you move faster with more pressure. groaning. sighing. screaming. the deed is done. and out it comes. your first orgasm. you lie there motionless taking in the feeling of accomplishment and contentment. nothing could possibly be better than this feeling. you look up at the ceiling, dazed. he leans over you grinning. you smile back. he runs his fingers down the full length of your body. every place his hand would go, that amazing feeling would follow. it was impossible to stop it. you try pushing him away as you feel you can not handle it. he pushes your hands away with little effort and continues caressing your entire body. you continue moaning with pure pleasure. how could this be real? its amazing. its breathtaking. its wonderful. its addicting. its orgasmic.

TrYiNg

"you're a bitch." "you tell nothing but lies." "you've ruined the lives of the people who loved you." "you're psychotic." "you're worthless." "your stupid." and now "you're alone." ... yes. yes. true. true. maybe i am all these things. maybe i enjoy being these things. or maybe i just can't mold the way they want me to. i try. and i try. but i can't. i can't be who they want me to be. they harass and abuse me to the point where i am a different person, but never the person that they want me to be. i could keep trying. i could keep hoping that something will change. but then i will be doing the same over and over expecting different results. that would make me crazy? insane? psychotic? i don't know the word. i don't really care either. all i know is by trying over and over and expecting the same thing makes me look like the idiot. whereas it should be the people making me try are the stupid ones. no one should be controlled to the extent that i have been. it's not right. its not healthy. but these people can't be changed. they have already molded themselves to be who they are. there is no way you will get them to listen to you. to have them hear your side of the story. it just doesn't work that way. trust me. i've tried.

aNsWeRs

can you see it? the look in her eyes. the look that says, "i want out" "i want help" and yet she doesn't know how to get it? looking out in the distance as she always does, just hoping that the answer will be there. somewhere. she wants to know why to everything. but no one has been able to tell her. determination setting in. but still scared to take that first step forward.

sHaDoW

do you recognize this? do you know who it is? how close has he gotten to you? this, this is a hooded shadow person. i know that is obvious, but it  is what they are called. so many believe its a figment of one's imagination or that they're just seeing things that aren't really there. well, that's false. he is known to be hell on earth. he is not the devil. he is a minion. he likes to scare you. when you start to notice more, he gets closer. but it is really hard to ignore something like this. the closer he gets, the weaker you get, the easier it is for him to take over. take over your soul, your body, your mind. if you see him in your dream, it could be a warning of something that is going to happen soon. if he is there, look around at scenery, figure out where you are and what is going on. it will help you to prevent whatever is going to happen. he never shows up for happy occasions unless he plans on ruining them. as he has so many times in the past to so many innocent people.

CoMpLeXiTy

its so complex. i can't follow it. my mind is thinking about way to many thoughts than possible to actually make sense. i sit hear trying. unwilling to move. i want it to make sense. i want to understand. im thinking about so much. but i dont know what it is i am thinking of. i don't get it. is there something wrong with me? i can't take it. i dont like this. why wont it stop? make it go away. someone. please.

tRuE sToRy

the poor mother cat kept licking the kittens, hoping it would rivive the kittens. according to the family that adopted the stray cat, on the morning of the 11th when they heard the cat's tragic cries, they rushed downstairs to discover this stray cat's four kittens abused to death. and even placed in front of the mother cat. the kittens' bodies were covered with bullet holes, with blood all over. one of the kittens had its neck tied with a rope and elongated, its chest cut open, heart exposed, while the other three kittens heads were stepped on.
i HATE the human race.

HiM

is that him? is that the ever loving lord showing the world his never-ending grace? is it him? is it? if so, send him a message for me. i have lost faith in him. he has abandoned me and left me to rot on this earth. i have no hope. i have no one. it is said that he is my father. if this is the case, then i am an orphan. i have nothing to say to him. nothing to ask. nothing to wish for. i am done believing. i am done relying on someone who gives me nothing but hell. yes, the great lord above has caused me to live in an equivalent to hell. nothing seems to get better, only worse. who is he to choose who deserves certain treatment. what the hell have i done to him? what the hell have i done to anyone for that matter? he has upset me and lost my trust. if he wants it back, if i matter at all, then he will have to do something pretty big to make up for all the lost time.

UnFoRgEtAbLe NiGhT

no clothes to separate us. feeling you so close to me. acknowledging that you are here with me and not anyone else. i feel your breath as you lean down to kiss my eager lips. i feel your hands caress my back. i feel so safe. so wanted. i dont want this moment to end. i want time to stop so we may stay this way forever. i press myself to you. unable to keep myself at such a distance any longer. you hold me to you. i press my head to your chest to hear your heart beating strong and steady. i look at the ripples surrounding our naked bodies. i smile. you lift my chin up with your strong hands so i am looking you in the eyes. and you whisper in my ear what i have been longing to hear all night. i feel something roll down my face, unsure if its water or a tear. i smile up at you as you lean down to kiss me again. i kiss you back. i could tell the love we felt for each other was visible from a distance. we pull away and look at each other. our faces were blank, but our eyes were connected and talking for a few moments. i smile up at you and you down at me. again we kiss and begin to slide down into the water. i think to myself, "this is the night i will never forget".