StReSs

everything in life piles up on you. it happens to everyone. i had a major break down the other night. i was home (living with a friend) with me boyfriend and my friend's dad. for the past few weeks my stress had been piling up. my ex had been drunk texting and calling me. i was upset that my adoptive dad doesn't want to see me anymore. i'm worried about both of my adoptive parents because they seem to look unhealthy and i fear they wont be around much longer. and yet i still care, even though they think i dont. i was finally taking steps to finding my biological family. and a day after talking to my sister she found our uncle's grave and where our great grandmother is. only a day after discussing what we were going to do. thing just suddenly seemed to be moving so fast. plus the thought that i wasn't going to be good enough for my biological family. that i would be a disappointment. i was stressed and paranoid. then i got a letter from the college i had gone to for the past two semesters telling me that i owe them $2500. i don't have that kind of money. and social services told me that i had nothing to worry about financially, that they had it taken care of. of course recently they dropped my case, blaming me even though i hadn't heard from my social worker in over two months before they dropped me. so now i also have no health insurance. and im in the process of getting a car so that i can get a job. when i get a job then i can get health insurance (or so i hope, otherwise i dont know what the hell im going to do). basically everything seemed to pile up at once. after receiving the letter from the college i had the urge to have a cigarette and then a strong drink. i had a drink that caused me to be drunk within ten minutes. i don't remember what happened after the drink. however, my boyfriend told me he came in the room and my stomach was covered in blood. i had put a gash in my side. him and my friend's dad were debating calling 9-1-1, but decided against it because (1) i don't have health insurance and (2) they would have kept me there if they found out it was self inflicted. so they fixed me up. i sobered up and started to regret. and suddenly i was hating myself again... i fucking hate stress. there is way too much of it. sure, someone somewhere has it worse off than me (believe me, i know people who do) but this is bad enough for me. and i can hardly take it...