everyday she gives her all. she helps who she can. she even saves a few from others or even themselves. she walks through everyday with a smile on her face and her chin held high. but thats only because she has to hide the demon that tries breaking free every second. the demon that whispers to jump in front of traffic, to jump off the bridge, to take a shortcut through a dark alley. she doesn't have anyone she trusts to turn to. no one to talk to. no one believes her hell. no one understands her struggle. they say they try, but if they can't succeed after some time, they give up and they walk away. all of them. family and friends alike. and yet she keeps walking forward. keeping up the facade.
people try to make deals to earn her trust. she declines. it's not that simple. yes, trust is earned, but it's not earned over some bullshit bargain. it is earned over time through actions and words. at this point it could take ten years before someone could have her full trust if they started trying with all their heart, right now.
all she wants right now is to be held. but no one is there. no one to hold her. no one to tell her everything will be ok. no one to caress her, to comfort her. its all she wants. she just wants to be wanted. but she has such a clouded vision that she sees herself as not worth it. not worth anyone's time, effort, sympathy, love.. just not worth it.
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