WhAt Do I dO?

i dont know what to do. yes, this one is a personal post. i need help. i dont know what to do. a year ago in march my foster mom told me to put up a restraining order against my dad because of something he told me. it was very inapropriate but i trust him. he would never do what everyone else thinks that he would do. i did not want the restraining order. the reason he told me about his secret fantasies about me was because he wanted to distance our relationship because a lot of people thought we were too close. i agree. however he is not good at doing things like that so he chose something he knew would get to me and that i would choose to be distant from him. he would never act on anything he told me. i know it. i trust him. i know him well enough. other people do not. its been close to a year and i really need my dad. he is the only one i could turn to, so now i have no one. i want to email him and tell him everything. but im afraid he hates me now. plus i dont want to chance him getting in trouble. i will fight for him if something happens. i just really need him right now. but i dont know how to handle it. i dont want to drop the restraining order, just in case other people are right about him. i dont want to believe that it is true, but id rather be safe than sorry. so i cant take down the restraining order. but i need to talk to him. i need him to know that i didn't want the restraining order and that my foster mom ended up kicking me out of the house about a month or so later. i have no one. i am homeless and depressed. i want my daddy. i miss him so much. i dont know how i can tell him that without causing trouble. and at the same time, what if he is doing better now that im out of his life? what if he has moved on and wants to keep everything the way they are. he had told me that i will always be his little girl, but that was before the restraining order. what if he wants nothing to do with me now? i feel like a horrible person. he has been there for me through thick and thin. he protected me from my abusive mom. he comforted me when i needed him. and now its all gone. i pray for him every night and im not religious. but i feel some sort of comfort in doing it. he is almost 70 years old. i dont want to lose him. i would be devistated. i need him. i emailed him once, through an email he doesn't use often. i remembered this a month after i sent the email. so i plan on sending another one to the email he uses almost daily. but i'm scared. i dont know what to do. i dont know how to do it the right way. i fear if i lose him completely, i'll have no will to live.