jUsT a DaY

"I'll pick you up after school," her dad said. this won't be the first time her dad has forgotten about her. so it came as no surprise when 9:00pm came around and she hadn't heard a word from him. yes, she called a few times, but there was no answer. just his annoying too-upbeat voicemail. she's use to having to sit around a wait. wait and think. think about everything and nothing. it drives her insane sometimes. all the thinking tends to make her emotional. it makes her want to cry, scream, laugh, and hit something all at the same time. there's just too much in her head. she sits and ponders little things. like, 'what should i have for dinner' and 'what book should i read next' to 'what do i want to do with my life' and 'why do i always end up being the one to wait for what may not come'. she does what she has to to keep moving forward. she does her best anyway.
after a couple more hours went by she gave her best friend, Marlin, a call. he answers on the second ring.
"hey hun, what's up?"
"just sitting around again. waiting for my ride. i can't stop thinking about stuff again."
"stuff like what?"
"just stuff. in general. i dont know..." she trails off trying to put her mind into words.
"you need to find something to do with your time. you tend to spend too much time thinking and not enough time doing. i know its somewhat habbit for you, to sit around and think, but its not good for you. you've been through too much to just sit around and think. you need to make some kind of a schedule and make sure you are doing something everyday." he always seemed to like talking to her about her problems. not that she ever asked. she always felt like a burden and would try to avoid talking about anything bad. but then, things would end up getting worse and she would have to talk. either because she would be feeling on the edge of losing herself or he would know something was wrong and talk her into telling him. but she always felt comfortable talking to him about anything. she felt that he was the only real family she had.
"but i can't do scheduling. i've tried it on my own. it doesn't work. when i have a schedule as set by adults or other people, there are consequences to not following it. if i make the schedule, i dont feel obligated to follow through."
"then use me as an outlet, in a way. i want you to make a schedule. something that shows every hour of every day that you are doing something. but make sure it varies. dont stay sitting in your house all day, i know your mind will wonder."
"so, like, going for walks?" trying to get some kind of clue as to what kind of schedule he was talking about.
"no. not just going for walks. have a destination, or something to do while walking. just walking will give you that thinking time that you dont need."
"i dont know. i don't really want to." well that was only half a lie. she does want to do things with her time, she just doesn't feel motivated enough to do so. it was hard to explain, even in her head.
"alright. just try this. i think it might help. for me?" he said that last bit in the voice she always had a hard time saying no to.
she sighed and replied, "okay. i'll give it a try, but no promises."
"sounds like a start to me. well its closing in on 1:00am, and i have work in the morning. so tomorrow send me the schedule you create for yourself. i'll be waiting."
in her 'im annoyed' voice she replied, "okay."
"goodnight love"
"goodnight"
and with a click he was gone. gone to bed. gone back to his own life and problems. and she was still in the same spot. she stared at the phone for a minute then put it in her pocket. she pulled out a piece of paper from her backpack and began thinking up a list or schedule. it took her a while to actually think things out. she was just finishing up when she heard a car pull up in front of her. she glanced up to see her dad's car.
in the end she ended up with this:
just a day:
-research/study psychology at library
-read 3 chapters of a book
-do 10 push-ups, jog around the block (alternate for an hour)
-write a short story
-clean room
-bake cookies/cake/brownies
-call a friend just to say "hi"
-make weekend plans with someone
-go feed geese+ducks by the lake
all of this was just a start, just a few ideas. she would show him and hope that he approved. with her fingers crossed she got into the car and listened to her dad's excuses as to why he was really late.. again.